Another year

My dad shivered from one corner of the country and told me about the demise of my grandfather, as a range of emotions crossed me. My dad was shattered, suitably. And because he was shattered, so was I. But we saw it coming. Last month when I went home, grandfather would go through phases of illness. Sometimes he’d be fine, sometimes he’d mumble…he’d ask me to take his stuff, I told him I would.

He’d see me and feel great about it. That old man, full of stories. Not all stories he’d tell were bearable. In fact some of them were outright derivations of our mythology which is nothing but an account of our corruption. The great Indian society built on morals and hypocrisy. And so would be our character and us.

~

He was suffering, no doubt. Unable to walk, getting psychotic attacks, mumbling things irrelevant. He was 86. I told my dad I’ll be there tomorrow, to which he refused. He wants me to remember him, here itself, and wish that he rests in peace. Maybe that’s the best thing I can do. But I want to be there, not just for my grandfather, but for my father and my mother, the way they are there right now, handling the situation all by themselves. They are, after all, old people too. What worries me more is how are they going to manage all by themselves? I don’t know. My aunts and uncles would come. Sure.

~

Today, probably, I should not talk about who my grandfather was. All I should do is look forward, because his health was on a steady decline for the last few years. Three years ago his heart was troubling him, he went through a risky bypass. Last year, in winters, he could not walk at all. This year in winters he was losing grasp on consciousness. I don’t know the cause of his death. I think at some point of time he just let go.

That’s the strange aspect of life, we strive towards a better one, are usually just managing through adversities, and one day all of it just ends. No matter what you do, who you are…I think, when I look at my grandfather, and the things he did, or he didn’t, at the end of it all, I guess it just levels out. It’s fine, I guess. In the end, you just have to let go.

~

My grandfather is no more, and that’s it. It’s not a news, but it is a reality, and that’s about it. We all learn to live with reality. Don’t we?