Unlock the door,
Turn on the lights,
Open the windows,
And see the night.

Turn off the lights,
Turn off the fans,
Sit tight,
Turn on your phone,
Leave it at the table,
And see its light.

Try to navigate,
It’s quite late,
But it’s still your house,
And try to find your stuff,
In the night,
Without much light.

Your imagination,
Can see its place,
And figure out its space,
Even if you,
Can’t see much in the night.

There’s one person,
Waiting for your signal,
Hoping you’re ready,
With dreams of your life,
Don’t worry if you can’t,
Move in the night,
It’s ok to be still,
And quiet,
To live without much,
Of a fight.

None of us saw the light,
Before we were born,
Nor would we see it,
After we die,
It’s only,
A matter of time,
When you can see who you are,
And can figure,
What makes you wonder,
The point of your life.

This isn’t a battle with another,
It’s a battle of self,
With whatever...

I’m drivin’ in the night,
‘Tis the expressway,
Some of ‘em,
Got their blinkers on,
Changin’ lanes,
The car,
Drives over the rumble strips,
I’m on the highway,
Home,
The car’s noisy,
There’s a toll in front,
We slow down,
There’s a queue at the toll,
We hold down.

I’m drivin’ in the night,
I won’t fall asleep,
Dear,
Taking us straight,
Into the fence,
Keep your feet up,
Push your seat back,
And sleep tight,
Dear,
I’ll take you home.

I’m drivin’ in the night,
I’ve done this quite a bit,
You don’t have to worry,
I’ll pick up a bit,
Don’t fear,
You’ll be home,
In no time,
While there’s no home,
For me,
Dear,
I’ll be on the streets,
In the night,
Waiting,
For another trip,
Home,
To someone.

I’m drivin’ in the night,
‘Tis the expressway,
Some have their blinkers on,
I’m on the road,
And you’re home,
You’ll be asleep,
While I’ll be awake,
Juggling hustlers,
Lookin’ for home.

दिल में कयी बातें हैं कहने को,
जैसे ही लिखता हूँ मतलब बदल जाता है,
समंदर है मुझमें,
लहरें हैं ऊँची नीची,
कश्तियाँ डूब जातीं हैं,
आँखों के किनारे पे साहिल है,
किसी के कदम पड़ गए,
तो उसे शायद समंदर की नमी महसूस हो,
पर किनारे पे पैर रखने से गहरायी का अंदाज़ा किसे होता है,
कयी किनारों पे हम भी गए,
कयीओं ने हमारे किनारों पे रेत के महल भी बनाए,
ना हम गहरायी भाँप पाए,
ना वो,
वैसी ही कयी बातें हैं,
जो ना हम कह पाए,
ना वो ।

आज आँखें थोड़ी और झुकी हैं,
अब ऊपर देख के भी कुछ मिलता नहीं है,
हम ख़ुशियों के लिए बने नहीं थे,
सिर्फ़ एक ही ख़ुशी हमारी झोली में लिखी थी,
वो ख़ुशी ग़मों की दोस्ती में है,
बाक़ी सारी ख़ुशियाँ,
सिर्फ़ देने के लिए हैं,
हमें अपनी ख़ुशियों पे कुछ ख़ास हक़ नहीं है,
आज आँखें थोड़ी और झुकी हैं,
आज कुछ ख़ास बातें थोड़ी और दबीं हैं,
आज कुछ जज़्बात थोड़े और क़ुर्बान हुए हैं,
आज अरमान कुछ और ऐसे थे,
जो कमज़ोरी और डर के साये में,
या आसान रास्तों के लिए,
एक बार और कहीं पीछे खो दिए हैं ।

गलियों में शोर होगा,
शायद कहीं और होगा,
मोहब्बत करेंगे फिर कभी,
आज ना सही,
फिर कभी सही,
पर हाथ पकड़ कर चलना,
बारिश में सूरज को देखने के लिए,
आसमाँ में,
अपने नाम वाला काग़ज़ कहीं और होगा ।

गद्दों में लग गयी है थोड़ी सी फ़ंगस,
कल सुबह ध्यान से धूप दिखा देंगे,
आज यूँ ही सो जाते हैं,
कल सुबह दीवारों से मकड़ी के जाले हटा देंगे ।

कुछ कहानियों को अधूरा रहने दो,
यूँ ही ठीक हैं ये कहानियाँ,
थोड़ी मोहब्बत कल की थी,
थोड़ी आज की है,
थोड़ी फिर कभी करेंगे,
बस हाथ पकड़ कर चलना,
कुछ दिन बचे हैं सूरज डूबने को,
तब तक नींद वाला चमचमाता चाँद कहीं और होगा ।

Today, I have lost.
I have lost in my own eyes. I have been so stupid. Such a fool. Such a coward. I have been a brave person only on my laptop. Behind a facebook post, a tweet, a blog.

I did something stupid today. I tried to merge two e-wallet accounts, and lost money stored in one of the accounts. I have done this stupid mistake multiple times in my life. I haven’t learnt. I have never learnt. I have never heard my heart because I have been trained to ignore it, and I have always failed.

I hate myself today. Had I done what I always felt in my heart, I would never be this stupid. I am so stupid, and I have lost so much that my sheer existence is a burden. I can’t send my pain across, I can’t make others feel what I want. I have always danced to the tunes of the others and ended up being lost and hurt.

I am a sore stupid loser, and I hate myself. I don’t want to live anymore...

This word stays with me. I agree this is also the name of a pretty bad Nicolas Cage movie, but this word fascinates me. Because, it is the reason why we live. It gives us hope that something good will happen. Like, in my case, my next job, or in a kid’s case his or her next toy, the next laptop in a youngster’s case.

This term, next, keeps us going on. Keeps us guessing. We always wonder, what’s next, don’t we. I dedicate the most personal story I ever wrote, to this word. It talks about the next phase in the life of a married couple enduring a boring life.

This word holds a strange corner in my heart, and is not ready to let go, because I have no idea what’s next. I just hope that I’ll be fine someday. I don’t have a point, because whatever I wanted has bit the mud. My friends could make their next short film but I couldn’t. I couldn’t gather people together. The only thing I could...

If something happens to me tomorrow, for example, if I’m mowed over by a truck, if I fight a heart attack because of my blood pressure, blame me or my parents. We are responsible. We are responsible for my current state of mind. I didn’t want to marry, they wanted me to marry. I married my wife for their happiness, to a girl they chose. Without any questions.

But ever since I did, my parents have been behind my wife like hungry dogs. Ready to eat her up. First, they asked her to quit her job, then, when my wife wished my father a happy birthday, he told my wife not to spread rumors. On everything that my wife says, or does, my parents think she’s doing something wrong. This vacation, my mother told my wife that they looked for a daughter-in-law because I couldn’t find decent food in the city I was living in. Which as stupid and regressive as saying that the only place women have in...

Me (dials my parents’ phone number, mom picks up): Hello..

Mom: Hello. हाँ बेटा, क्या हाल चाल…

Me: सब ठीक है मम्मी. अभी आप फ्री हो?

Mom: हाँ बेटा. बताओ.

Me: पापा हैं पास में?

Mom: हाँ बेटा…क्यूँ, क्या हुआ?

Me: वो थोडा serious बात करनी थी. ज़रा फ़ोन loudspeaker पे लगाओ.

Mom: क्या हुआ बेटा?

Me: आप लगाओ तो…

Mom turns on speaker mode on her phone…dad replies

Dad: क्या हुआ छोटू?

Me: पापा एक बात पूछनी थी…

Dad: पूछ…

Me: पापा, मेरी शादी क्यूँ कराइ?

Dad: क्या मतलब?

Me: मेरी शादी क्यूँ कराइ?

Dead silence over the phone.

Me: आयुषी बता रही थी की मेरी शादी आपने इसलिए करवाई क्युकी मुझे चेन्नई में खाने की बोहोत दिक्कत थी?

Dad: नहीं, नहीं बेटा…

Me (interrupts him): ये बात आपने शादी के पहले भी मुझे कही थी…मुझे लगा आप मज़ाक मज़ाक में कह रहे हो.
Dad: बेटा…

Me (interrupts him): पापा, इतनी से बात के लिए शादी क्यूँ करवाई? नौकरानी रख लेते…अच्छा…free में नौकरानी चाहिए थी.
Dad: बेटा, ऐसा नहीं...