Lost

Today, I have lost.
I have lost in my own eyes. I have been so stupid. Such a fool. Such a coward. I have been a brave person only on my laptop. Behind a facebook post, a tweet, a blog.

I did something stupid today. I tried to merge two e-wallet accounts, and lost money stored in one of the accounts. I have done this stupid mistake multiple times in my life. I haven’t learnt. I have never learnt. I have never heard my heart because I have been trained to ignore it, and I have always failed.

I hate myself today. Had I done what I always felt in my heart, I would never be this stupid. I am so stupid, and I have lost so much that my sheer existence is a burden. I can’t send my pain across, I can’t make others feel what I want. I have always danced to the tunes of the others and ended up being lost and hurt.

I am a sore stupid loser, and I hate myself. I don’t want to live anymore. Please, please free me of the burden of this life.

I’m so lost. So, so lost.