One year on, since I got married

Marriage is a huge deal. Every one says that it is, no one ever tells you how big it actually is. If you are reading this, I’ll try to tell you how big it is (from my perspective). If I ever had a chance to live-in with my wife, before getting married to her, I’d never marry her. Ofcourse that is a very selfish way of putting it, but I am pretty sure she would also never go through the pain she’s been through. I know for sure that she’d be a lot happier if she got a husband in one of my best friends who put their better half above all.
But then, that’s how life is…You wake up the next morning and then it is another day, and we carry on.
I’ll explain the pain I went through. Remember, I am not a nice person. I am selfish to the brim, and to care for another person is not my bones. What I care for, the most, is about my ambitions, about my self interests…and marriage is all about putting them aside and about caring another person, and the baggage he/she carries along. I’ll try to list down a few things.

Since my marriage was fixed with the girl I am married to, the thing that was most demanded from me was attention (I guess that usually is the case.) I can’t provide that to people. Despite that, I tried my level best to give my maximum attention to my wife and her needs. But I don’t think that that’s enough. Before marriage, the biggest point of dispute was regarding this. She’d accuse me of ignoring her. To an extent she was right. For a pervert like me, the only thing important that I can get out of a woman is sex. As long as those desires are fulfilled, I don’t have a need of a woman in my life. The only part of the pre-marriage conversation that I was interested in was the sex chat aspect of it. I had nothing else to talk, and nothing else to discuss. To some extent, I was avoiding a conversation basically because I have little – to almost nothing – to discuss with people. I am a puppet of society, playing by its rules. But anyway, coming back to my point, I had little attention to spare, and somewhere in between I told my parents that I am ok with getting married. Within weeks they found a girl, and fixed my marriage. Within 6 months I got married. My parents at first asked her to get her job trasferred to the city where I was working. Somehow, she managed to do that, but I (out of sheer selfishness), was staying near my office. It was long daily commute for my wife to work, and it was exhausting. We did carry on though. One day, my father asked me to talk to her. He wanted my wife to quit her job and stay home. I’m responsible for her losing her job. She’s not a member of the skilled workforce, and comes from the real India, where the ambition of a girl is to get married, have children, raise them, be a maid with benefits for her husband, and die.

—Didn’t publish the post back then. Last month (Dec 2017), I completed two years of marriage—

It’s another year in my marriage. And all I’ve said above is true and more. I’m as responsible for causing pain to my wife as my parents are. I should’ve known what we can do to each other. I should’ve stopped my marriage. I should’ve avoided the trauma my wife went through. Last month my mother told my wife that they were looking for a bride simply because I was struggling with finding food, and the wife can provide good food for free.

WTF!

Is this why I got married? I remember my dad once joking about it over the phone. I didn’t know this is the reason. I got married, because I agreed to my parents’ ask for getting married. And what was their reason to get me married? Get me a maid-servant?

This, and multiple other things that my family has said to my wife, are the reason why you shouldn’t get married. On one of the erotic quora answers, a man said, “words are poision. I neither spit poision, nor consume it.” A marriage is exchanging poision.

If at all you want to marry someone, you should marry someone with whom talking happens when it’s an absolute must. Here’s a story I read somewhere:

In ancient India, a guru took his disciples for a walk. They reached a river bank where a laundryman and his wife were shouting at each other. A pupil asked his guru, “why, dear sage, should the man shout at the woman, and the woman shout at the man, when they stand an arm away from one another?”

The guru smiled, and educated his disciple, “dear pupil they shout not because they stand next to each other, they shout because their hearts are far away. If their hearts were close enough, they would even understand the whispers, and if they would love each other, they may not even talk. They would understand each other and their needs in silence.”

But that doens’t happen in human world, so you shouldn’t get married. Even if you find someone with whom you think there’s no need to talk…your parents won’t love that person, which will impact your love to that person, and you both will end up shouting at each other. Once your hearts sit far away, it’ll be hard work to bring them close enough, let alone love.